Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Terra -- Adjusting to Missionary Life

This day, tracting was just not working out...so we found a pond with a bridge and kind of went crazy.

Ah, goo lagoon. I love it when I get to email home. Today isn't a normal P-Day though. In fact, the only P-Dayish part about it is that we get to email. But the reason for that is we're going to the Columbus temple on Thursday, and so that is our P-Day this week. And I am very happy that we get to attend the temple!!!! That's going to be awesome. I love the temple. What a grand place. And what a grand way to spend our P-Day. Well, I cannot lie. When I first found out that we were not going to be able to have a normal P-Day I was . . . mmmm . . . slightly unhappy, haha, because driving up there takes out four hours by itself, but I came to realize something that I need to know for my entire mission. And really, for my entire life, but mostly just for the mission. And that is: attending to my own wants and needs is a priviledge, not a right. I think to myself that my lunch hour and dinner hour have to be exactly an hour for it to be fair, things like that. Let me tell you something, nothing is fair on the mission. And that's something you have to live with. It's something that I am having a difficult time living with, haha. Things really aren't "fair" for missionaries, but you know what, that doesn't matter. Because we're not here for ourselves. I have to remind myself that, oh about..every 2 seconds. And I have to remind myself that I made the choice to come out here. And I have to remind myself that I accepted the calling of "devoting all my time and attention to serving the Lord, leaving behind all other personal affairs." (p. 20 Missionary Handbook.) I read that handbook before I came, but didn't let those words sink in I guess. It's a very different lifestyle being a missionary, for me. Well, for me especially in the way that I have to be constantly and consistently devoting my time to the Lord and to His people here that I need to be serving. It's very hard switching from attending to my own wants and needs to attending to everyone elses. It's very hard switching from Terra to Sister Allen. I miss being called Terra. That's such a perfect name for me. But "me" can wait. Right now it's "their" time, or "them". These people.

Make sure Jackson and Emma see this picture, because my bangs aren't perfect in it. :]

I don't want to lie, yesterday was pretty difficult. But you know what, for some reason, Sundays are just difficult to me, and I'm not exactly sure why. But Sundays are when my heart is the most broken, and I feel the most lost, and hopeless. But because of that, I am able to take in a lot more because of my broken heart and contrite spirit. I wish it felt good to have a broken heart and a contrite spirit, but it doesn't. It hurts. It hurts and it aches and it's confusing and it's not fair and it's just all those things. But the outcome of how you learn to turn to the Savior in those times is crucial. As much as I hate feeling that broken-heartedness, I know the growth from it is needed. Much needed. But yesterday was a little bit harder. Because I felt that even from anything that was said I wouldn't be lifted up. I closed myself off from it. A million questions were running through my mind, and a million thoughts of confusion and discouragement, and I just really felt broken. But as the day went on, and as we started visiting with people and teaching people and loving people, I was able to be lifted out of this hole, this pit that Satan wanted me to stay in. But I wanted to get out. And so I did. But not by myself. I needed the Savior.

Yay for Dad's scriptures! I love using them.
I love the calling as a missionary. I LOVE being set apart as a missionary. I really do. And I really feel the difference of being set apart. I don't want to lose it!!! And I know that I will when my mission is over. That's one of the reasons why this time is so precious to me, because it's the only time in my life that I'll get to have this calling and this special power from God as a missionary. Being a missionary is so dang cool sometimes. Hahahaha, and it's really fun. Oh my goodness, my companion, Sister Ward, is SO funny. I laugh so hard with her everyday. SO HARD. We are laughing all the time (when appropriate of course), but really, oh my gosh. Tracting can be discouraging sometimes. It CAN be. But it never is with Sister Ward. We are always having fun and just having a blast. The other day while we were tracting we were laughing so hard, I had her drive me home because I was going to wet my pants. (well, skirt, but....the phrase works better with pants..) I actually think that's happened twice now. But I am so thankful for her making me laugh all the time, because sometimes my spirits get dampened, and laughing is something that I love to do, and so it helps a lot. And singing. Ahhhh singing. Of course that's good. I'm getting sick, so my voice is stuffy and stuff (hahaha, stuffy and stuff...) but I still sing.

Okay, so a few shoutouts before I forget:
-Cebre: Update me on Elder Hatch if you can! Ask Lex how he is, and tell her to tell him that I said hi and that I really hope he is doing well!
-Nathaniel: Okay, true story. You know that blue jacket you wore as a zombie this halloween? A lady in my ward was wearing that EXACT SAME jacket yesterday in church. I'm not kidding. It was EXACTLY the same. Ahahaha, I thought it was so funny, my goodness. I didn't tell her of course. But I had to tell you. :]
-Melody: Write me!!! I need to you write me so I can have your address!! :]
-Everyone: Everyone should write me. I love letters. :]

My time is up! I love you all! I'm wearing black and white stripes today, so I'm super happy. :]
Oh!!! Mom!! THANK YOU SO MUCH  FOR THE LETTERS AND PACKAGE!!!! Honestly, I'll have to explain next week in an email because I forgot to this week, but those were MUCH needed the day you sent them. You will be blessed for acting so quickly and sending them off so soon. Because I needed them.

I love you my sweet parents, and grandparents, cousins, and friends. And siblings. :] Life is grand. Make good choices.

Love, Terra

There was this fence that led into a creepy forest, and this tree was right on the other side of the fence. So my comp and I dared each other to go on the other side. My boots got SUPER muddy from it.

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